- Feel Good
- 10th Dec 2025
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- 0 minute
Coping at Christmas: tips for the festive season from a Newcastle therapist
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Everything around us may look merry and bright at Christmas, but it is perfectly okay not to feel okay.
For many people, the season brings pressure, expectation and emotional strain rather than pure joy. With social calendars filling up, financial demands, and the challenge of navigating family dynamics, December can feel overwhelming before it even begins.
To understand why this time of year can be so demanding – and how we can soften its impact – we spoke with Newcastle-based Chartered Counselling Psychologist and our Expert in Residence, Dr Ashling Doherty, who explains why women struggle at Christmas and how the season can feel calmer and more manageable.
UNDERSTANDING THE MOST COMMON STRESSORS
Dr Ashling explains that much festive stress stems from the roles women hold all year round. Many take on responsibility at home, at work and within extended families, often placing others’ needs before their own.
“Women are often busy due to multiple responsibilities and a tendency to put others first,” she says. “There’s also a glamorisation of being busy, as though it means we’re useful or successful. Sometimes that rush of busyness is even a way to avoid emotions.”
Early learning also shapes how women respond to pressure. “Many of us grew up primed to nurture and to please. Things are changing, but there’s still a long way to go. Combined with a lack of assertiveness, it often means less focus on our own needs and less practice saying no.”
BUSTING PERFECTIONISM
Perfectionism is one of the most significant drivers of festive stress. From decorations and gifting to meals and family harmony, the pressure to get everything “just right” can be relentless.
“The problem isn’t that there isn’t enough time – it’s that there are too many standards,” Dr Ashling says. “Many women ask, ‘Why can’t I do it all?’ But we aren’t meant to do it all.”
She often sees the consequences in her clinic. “Women feel like they’re failing when they’re simply overwhelmed. Self-care isn’t about baths; it’s about boundaries that protect us from burnout and changing how we think about what we must achieve.”
Learning to be “good enough,” she adds, is key to easing pressure throughout December.
CHOOSING WHAT TO OPT OUT OF
Christmas becomes far more manageable when we consciously remove the parts that drain us.
“It’s important to look at what you want to opt out of,” she says. “Life doesn’t need to be harder than it has to be. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
She recommends writing a list of what you might let go of this year. Dislike crowds? Shop online. Don’t enjoy writing cards? Send messages instead. Don’t want to cook everything? Buy pre-made dishes or book lunch out. Gifting can also be simplified with small budgets or joint experiences rather than multiple presents.
Equally valuable is naming what you do want to include: specific films, winter walks, favourite foods, music or quiet time. “Choose what feels right for you, not what you think you should do.”
FINDING BALANCE AND LEARNING TO SAY NO
Planning can reduce festive intensity, but it shouldn’t become another burden.
“Planning is useful, but keep it light,” she says. “Learn to say no to others – and to yourself. Ask whether it really matters if the tree isn’t perfect or if you forgot the stuffing. Most things we worry about don’t change the day.”
UNDERSTANDING GUILT AND LETTING GO OF EXPECTATIONS
Guilt weighs heavily during the holidays, and Dr Ashling stresses the importance of recognising it.
“Guilt is when we’ve gone against morals. But false guilt is feeling bad when we haven’t done anything wrong. Many people feel guilty automatically because of internalised rules.”
Letting go of unrealistic expectations should be an all-year goal. “Success should be measured by inner peace and fulfilment, not by how much we do for others.”
REST, ROUTINES AND MINDFUL TECHNIQUES
Rest is one of the first things to disappear in December, yet it is vital.
“Sleep is non-negotiable – it’s the foundation of our wellbeing,” she says. Time in nature, walking, breathwork, soothing music and talking with the right people can all help. Simple mindfulness practices – grounding through breath, ten minutes of silence, noticing stress in the body – can ease tension.
Burnout may show up as irritability, fatigue, pressure, poor sleep or heightened stress. Alcohol can intensify all of these. Dr Ashling also highlights how busyness often ties to self-worth: “You don’t need to push to burnout to be loved or good enough.”
Her gentle suggestion for the new year: “Learning to rest is a skill. Maybe your goal for 2026 could simply be to make rest a priority.”
RECOGNISING EARLY SIGNS OF STRAIN
Tracking mood can help catch stress early. Rating your mood out of ten and speaking to your GP if you notice changes is important. “Extra demands at Christmas – hosting, social events, work pressure – can all heighten anxiety.”
MEET DR ASHLING DOHERTY
Dr Ashling Doherty is a Chartered Counselling Psychologist based in Newcastle, specialising in sexual health and mental wellbeing. At her Jesmond clinic, she provides psychosexual therapy and personalised psychological support. She is HCPC registered and a member of the British Psychological Society.
Dr. Ashling Doherty, 8 Akenside Terrace, Newcastle Upon Tyne NE2 1TN
Rachael Ellis
Head of Content
After gaining a first in her BA Media and Journalism degree at Northumbria University, Rachael worked at Newcastle’s leading regional newspaper with her stories being picked up in national and global newspapers. She spent two very successful years giving a voice to those communities across the North East who otherwise…
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