- Feel Good
- 24th Sep 2025
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- 0 minute
Love, loneliness and sex: what therapist Dr Ashling Doherty hears most
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We love to pretend we’ve got it all figured out, don’t we? From juggling work and family to attempting after self-care Sundays, it’s easy to scroll through Instagram and think everyone else is breezing through life.
But sit down with a therapist – like Dr Ashling Doherty, a Chartered Counselling Psychologist based in Jesmond – and you’ll quickly realise most of us are quietly asking the same questions.
Our expert therapist in residence, Dr Ash, says no two people’s experiences are ever the same. Therapy is unique because we are unique. Our family backgrounds, culture and experiences shape the way we see the world.
Yet, time and again, the same themes surface: Am I broken? Will I ever meet someone? Why don’t I feel good enough? The truth? You’re not broken, and you’re definitely not alone.
Dr Ash shares the most common concerns she hears in clinic – from intimacy and self-doubt to family struggles and love – and why these questions are far more universal than you think.
WELLBEING WORRIES
“What’s wrong with me? Will I ever feel better?”
Well-being is usually the doorway into therapy. People often sit down and whisper things like, “Am I broken?” or “Why can’t I just be happy?”
The truth is: I don’t believe we’re broken. What I see is suffering—whether that’s after the high of a wedding day, the overwhelming shift of having a baby, or the rollercoaster of grief and joy that comes with everyday life. We forget we can hold more than one emotion at a time. We can feel love and fear. Excitement and anxiety.
Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?”, a better question is: “What’s happened to me that’s led me here?”
RELATIONSHIPS CONCERNS
“Will I ever meet someone? Am I with the right partner?”
“Ah, relationships – the number one theme. Some clients come to me in the aftermath of a breakup, grieving the loss of a shared life. Others are stuck in the uncertainty of wondering, ‘Is this person right for me?’
“We’re taught to search for “the one” – the fairy-tale love that lasts forever. But what if that idea is more myth than truth? Relationships aren’t about finding the perfect person. They’re about asking: “Can I share my life with this person, and do they meet my needs in a healthy way?”
“We change as we grow. What we value at 25 isn’t what we necessarily want at 45. That doesn’t mean long-term relationships are doomed—it means they require flexibility, negotiation, and compassion.
And if you’re single? The odds are, yes – you will meet someone. But rushing the process often creates more pain. Learning to enjoy your own company first makes love that much more fulfilling when it arrives.”
FAMILY ISSUES
“I don’t feel loved by my parents.”
“This one often comes wrapped in shame. Adults will sit across from me, whispering that they don’t feel loved or understood by their parents – then quickly add, ‘I know I shouldn’t say that.’
“But here’s the thing: your feelings are valid. And talking about them doesn’t make you ungrateful or bad. Family wounds can cut deeply and therapy gives you the space to explore those hurts.
“Sometimes, having open conversations with parents can be healing. But in other cases, the healthiest path might be distance or even no contact – a choice that’s never easy, but sometimes necessary. Family doesn’t always mean blood. Love and belonging can come from in-laws, friends and chosen family too.”
SELF LOVE
“Am I attractive enough? What do people think of me?”
“If you’ve ever worried about your body or how others see you, you’re not alone. From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense—we needed to be accepted to survive. But in today’s world, that natural instinct gets tangled up in social media filters, unrealistic beauty standards, and constant comparison.
“Here’s the reality: everyone is attractive. Grey hairs, wobbly bits, scars—they’re all part of being human. The better question is: what do I like about myself? and how can I move in a way that connects me to my body?
“When it comes to weight, I encourage clients to shift their perspective. Instead of focusing solely on the scales, think holistically. Move for your heart, lungs, and nervous system. Eat foods that nourish, not just ones that fit into a calorie count. Small, sustainable changes matter most.”
INTIMACY ISSUES
“Are we having enough sex?”
“This one comes up often, sometimes with embarrassment, sometimes with frustration. My answer? There’s no magic number. ‘Enough’ sex depends entirely on the couple.
“What matters is quality, not quantity. Is intimacy fun? Is there an emotional connection? Are both partners feeling heard?
“If one wants more than the other, open communication is essential. And if you’re worried about what your partner thinks of your body – it’s usually not what you fear. Self-doubt can block us from believing our partner’s affection is genuine. Building body confidence takes time, but small steps help: even looking at your body in the mirror daily, clothed and naming your body parts can start the journey toward comfort and acceptance.”
MEET DR. ASHLING DOHERTY
Dr. Ashling Doherty is a Chartered Counselling Psychologist in Newcastle, specialising in sexual health and mental well-being.
At her clinic in Jesmond, she works with individuals and couples, offering psychosexual therapies and personalised support. A member of the British Psychological Society and HCPC Registered, she provides a safe space for growth and healing.
Dr. Ashling Doherty, 8 Akenside Terrace, Newcastle Upon Tyne NE2 1TN
Rachael Ellis
Head of Content
After gaining a first in her BA Media and Journalism degree at Northumbria University, Rachael worked at Newcastle’s leading regional newspaper with her stories being picked up in national and global newspapers. She spent two very successful years giving a voice to those communities across the North East who otherwise…
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