- Feel Good
- 11th Jul 2025
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Women’s orgasms are still misunderstood – here’s what sex therapist Dr. Ashling Doherty wants you to know
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Let’s talk about something many of us feel, but not enough of us talk about – the female orgasm.
Often a taboo subject, brought up with awkward giggles or whispered terms like “the big O”, female pleasure has historically been overlooked, misunderstood or straight-up ignored. And yet, it’s an essential part of our sexual wellbeing – not just for pleasure, but for confidence, connection and self-understanding.
The truth is that orgasms are a unique, personal experience – and there’s no one-size-fits-all formula. It’s time to move past shame and celebrate our sexuality.
To help us bust the myths and make sense of it all, we sat down with Dr. Ashling Doherty, a specialist in sexual therapy, to answer some misconceptions around the female orgasm…
WHY WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT FEMALE ORGASMS
“It’s an under-discussed topic, even within psychology,” Dr. Ash says. “Think about this — the clitoris wasn’t fully recognised for its structure until 1998.”
“Historically, the female orgasm has been misunderstood, dismissed or pathologised. Women were once diagnosed with ‘hysteria’ — a term that literally translates to ‘suffering in the uterus.’ Others were labelled with terms like ‘nymphomania,’ which I don’t encourage the use of.”
Dr. Ash believes that open conversations are key. “When we talk about these things, we remove the shame. We start to feel less alone.”
THE BRAIN IS YOUR MOST SEXUAL ORGAN
Here’s something surprising: “The brain is the most sexual organ,” Dr. Ash explains.
“People often think that when they come in for sex therapy, we’re only going to talk about sex acts. But we dive into so much more — your past, your beliefs, your emotional wellbeing. It’s all connected.”
Many of the misconceptions Dr. Ash hears from clients stem from pressure or comparison: “Is something wrong with me?” “Shouldn’t I orgasm during penetration?” or “Why does it take me so long?”
“There’s this goal-oriented mindset around sex — that climax is the only aim. But pleasure is the true measure. Orgasm isn’t the only sign of great sex.”
WHY MOST WOMEN DON’T ORGASM FROM PENETRATION ALONE
One of the biggest myths? That orgasms for women only happen during penetrative sex. “In reality, around 75% of women rely on clitoral stimulation or other types of sexual activity to reach climax,” Dr. Ash says. “And for some, it’s a mix. It’s totally natural.”
She adds that some women feel pressure to perform or to orgasm quickly. “But sex isn’t a race. It’s okay if it takes time. It’s okay if it doesn’t happen every time. What matters is feeling safe, connected and comfortable.”
THE “GOOD GIRL” CONDITIONING
Dr. Ash touches on a powerful cultural narrative: many women are taught from a young age to be “the good girl”. This can carry over into adult relationships and sexual experiences.
“Some women don’t explore their own bodies until much later — if at all. In contrast, studies suggest many men first experience touch through solo sex, while women are often first touched by someone else.”
Her advice? “Get to know your body. Explore what feels good. Sexual wellbeing starts with self-understanding.”
YOU’RE NOT ALONE — AND YOU’RE NOT BROKEN
“I’ve met many women who’ve never experienced an orgasm,” Dr. Ash says. “They come in anxious, often embarrassed. But after talking, they feel relieved. Just knowing they’re not alone changes everything.”
Sometimes it starts with basic education – understanding anatomy. Other times, it’s about unpacking past trauma, exploring solo sex or working on communication with a partner. “Sex is deeply personal. It’s not just about the moment – it’s about your relationship with yourself and others.”
COMMUNICATION IS SEXY
According to Dr. Ash, one of the most important tools for better sex? Talking about it.
“Couples who struggle with sexual communication are less likely to experience consistent orgasms,” she says. “Talking about what feels good, what doesn’t, what you’d like to try — it all strengthens intimacy.”
It’s also about emotional safety. “For the nervous system to relax — and for orgasm to even be possible — you need to feel safe and connected. That’s why trust and emotional intimacy matter so much.”
FORGET THE GOAL — FOCUS ON THE FUN
At the end of the day, Dr. Ash wants to remind everyone: “There’s no ‘right way’ to experience orgasm. And it doesn’t have to be the end goal every time.”
Sex is play. It’s exploration. “When we quiet the mind, remove pressure and make space for curiosity and joy, sex becomes something to look forward to, not stress over.”
MEET DR. ASHLING DOHERTY
Dr. Ashling Doherty is a Chartered Counselling Psychologist in Newcastle, specialising in sexual health and mental well-being. At her clinic in Jesmond, she offers personalised counselling for individuals and couples.
With a focus on psychosexual therapies, Dr. Ashling provides a safe space for healing and growth, addressing mental, emotional, and physical well-being. As a member of the British Psychological Society and HCPC Registered, she offers professional support tailored to your needs.
For further support and to book a consultation, contact Dr. Ashling Doherty on 07871301079 or [email protected]
Dr. Ashling Doherty, 8 Ackenside Terrace, Newcastle Upon Tyne NE2 1TN
Rachael Ellis
Head of Content
After gaining a first in her BA Media and Journalism degree at Northumbria University, Rachael worked at Newcastle’s leading regional newspaper with her stories being picked up in national and global newspapers. She spent two very successful years giving a voice to those communities across the North East who otherwise…
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